What I've Learned About My Sons Since March 16th, 2020
Written by Jason DaWayne Smith
We work…
We worry…
We plan…
We love…
…But maybe I, and others like me, can do a bit more listening…
If there’s anything our current world has helped me understand is the power of “attention” and “intention”.
Since March 16th, I’ve had the luxury of spending more time than ever with my family. My wife and my two sons - 7 and 3. I’m no different than many others, but I’m not sure I knew just how much of my family’s world I just didn’t know. Or didn’t make time to know. How…maybe…and I’m not afraid to say it…I let my work, my planning for my family, my inside thoughts, dominate how I spend time with the 3 most important people in my life - especially my two sons.
It’s only been a couple of weeks, but working from home, home schooling, and more has really created long needed space and time for me, my wife, and especially my sons - to get to know each other a bit more intimately.
Let’s start with Grant, my youngest and 3 year old son…
I never realized this but when he tells a joke, he bobs his head like he’s Andrew Dice Clay. He’s sooooo into it - so confident such stage presence. It doesn’t matter if the joke is about a “Dinasauw drinking a cup of hot lava” or a “Bug getting stuck on a bug”…his delivery is just flawless. The kid’s got talent, guts, and a lot of belief in himself.
Here I am thinking this kid can’t walk more than a mile and my little guy out-walked me on a nature trek. Hit a staircase of 200 stairs. Ran around the yard all day and not a nap in site! Who knew little guy was such an endurance athlete?
His vocabulary is just amazing! I’m finding time to have real conversations with this young guy and it’s like we’re “Between Two Ferns”. Humor, pain, joy, insight - all from a 3 year old!
If there was a puzzle master in our house, Grant would be it. The kid is putting together 24, 48, 60, and 100 piece puzzles solo like it’s nobody’s business. “Daddy I can do it…daddy I can do it”. He’s determined to put these pieces together and seems to really enjoy the entire experience.
He knows how to “mess up some commas” (sorry Future). Yes, we’re working with little guy on his numbers and adding, but maybe a bit early? Not so much. This kid is like a mathematician but only when playing Yahtzee and Go Fish. If competition is on the line, he’s adding dots, spades, etc… like a champ!
And last…most second-borns are a bit more independent and rough yeah? This kid is just a little cuddle bug. He’s been on this Earth since 2016 and I can count on 1 hand, how many times he’s actually proactively cuddled with me when Mommy was available as option #1. The last 10 days, this guy is holding my arms and hugging me at night like I’m Teddy Ruxpin and I’m just warm all over.
“Daddy I can do it…daddy I can do it”.
“I need to be more in tune with the emotional side of my oldest son, he has a lot to teach me.”
The big guy - Aiden - 7 years old. A little man inside a boy’s body…
He’s actually gotten into a little scuffle at school?! Aiden is a very sensitive and caring boy. He’s not a chump but he’d much rather talk about the stars and planets than UFC. But here we are on a hike, I tell him about the time I got bit by a kid after defending my little sister at his age and I learn he’s had to hold down the playground lot as a big brother and isn’t afraid of danger! Let’s go my man!
He really does have feelings - he’s not just a kid. He’s interpreting everything around him. Joy, pain, disappointment, triumph and sadness. We’ve gone on so many walks recently that I've gotten a chance to just listen to his heart and there’s a lot to hear. I need to be more in tune with the emotional side of my oldest son, he has a lot to teach me.
I can’t remember the names of any dinosaurs beyond T-Rex, meanwhile big guy knows nearly every single Dino to ever walk the Earth. AND the kid knew the origin of the word Dinosaur including it’s Greek roots. Schooling me!
Aiden has to be one of the best writers I’ve ever met - he’s actually written several real stories in the last 14 days - perspective on life, nature, the world. His ability to put complex ideas into comprehensive stories is just mind blowing compared to what I was doing at that age.
He has a photographic memory. Literally - if Aiden’s seen something once, he can remember every detail, dating back to at least 3 years old, maybe some fuzz in his late 2s. Reminds me to be mindful of how I behave and what I say around my kids - they remember everything.
He’s a lover of nature. We’ve found several “hideouts” nearby where he knows where every rock, grain of sand, lake wave, or washed up tree branch is supposed to be. He almost has this mental map of how the outside world is supposed to be designed and be maintained in it’s original state. His love and awareness for the organic way of the world just warms my heart.
I knew he was a very good archer, but I now know why he loves it so much. He thinks its a way of being closer to me. He sees daddy hunt, shoot archery and he’s found this one thing that he both enjoys AND he knows will get some extra time with daddy.
There’s a small lump in my throat as I write this because yes, I’ve learned a lot, but in addition to many of the joys above, my oldest son also made me the prettiest diamond bracelet recently and I can’t say I embraced it as “manly”. This whole dynamic of how I react to and engage with their activities is really hitting me now. Little things like celebrating a goal vs. allowing my sons to cry when they fall…How is this all impacting their self identity? Or hearing my kids say at night, “I’m thankful that daddy works really hard for us”…mommy does too!! We have a full working household. How is my workaholic behavior or maybe even “work as a tool for aversion” impacting how my kids see the role of a man in the home?
Not a bad thing in any of this - it’s all discovery. Despite the challenges we face today, socially, economically, physically - if you really listen…closely, and intentionally - there’s a lot to learn and takeaway in these days. I for sure have been made much better for it and am thankful for the family and love I have.